Every little bit counts 

I’m going into week 4 now, and I might be imagining things but I’m starting to see some changes in my body, thank God. A picture was taken of me this weekend and for the first time I didn’t absolutely want to throw up at the side of myself. I’m still fat and I don’t expect that I’m not going to be fat, but for the first time I look I don’t know what you would call it maybe firmer? I weighed myself this morning and for the first time I actually saw the scale go down by two pounds. Plus I am seeing some strength progression with my exercising such as the ability to actually get into a side plank even though it was just for maybe two or three seconds. I’ve been off for the last 3 days and it feels like a lifetime. I know it is just my brain getting in my own way but I’m absolutely terrified about how bad this is going to hurt. But I should know that it’s going to hurt because it hurts every time, and if it didn’t hurt, it wouldn’t be working. 

I’m driving my partner crazy with all the questions about if they can see if my body is changing or if I look different and God bless them, they always say yes. At least they know to keep telling me that I’m doing a good job because I’m spending enough time knocking myself down. Is it bad that I kind of hate taking days off from working out? I know that I have to rest but I miss it and I miss my routine, it’s like inertia  gets the worst of me and the days when I come back are the hardest because  it would be so much easier to just stay home and sleep a little more. 

It is pouring cats and dogs right now, and I’m sitting outside the gym like I always do when I write these entries. Time to take a deep breath and go inside and dedicate this time to me. 

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