Breaking through

So here I am terrible at updating but this time I have good news! I changed up my cleansing schedule due to a little black dress challenge that my fitness group was having. I went from cleansing one day a week to doing a two day cleanse with five Shake days in between and finishing up with another two day cleanse. Basically the idea is to shake up my metabolism, and boy did it work! I am now down as of this morning to 289 which is completely shocking to me since I had been stuck at 300 for so long. I think I’m going to stay on the schedule of two day cleanses however I will be doing them once every two weeks since this particular challenge was just a shred and not intended to be an all-the-time thing. The thing is the two day cleanse really scared me at first but honestly the second day wasn’t nearly as hard as the first day. I guess I just had more to look forward to finishing. I even worked out! So needless to say I am very very happy and I feel like my weight is on the move again. I even had to go to Nashville in between the two cleanses and boy did I eat like it was my job! So I probably would have lost even more weight but I don’t care, the Fried Chicken was that good LOL. Now I’m just sitting in the parking lot before my boxing class getting ready to go in, looking like a Unabomber because I’m wearing two hoodies and an Overcoat because it is so cold. But I know I’ll be sweating my ass off in about 15 minutes so it’ll be worth it. Thank you for putting up with my whining, but I’m not making any promises that I won’t continue to do so. Now to figure out when I’m going to go Christmas shopping LOL I have dental surgery tomorrow so I might take Friday off and go shopping though I feel bad about not working out. Who knows?

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Still plateauing

Today is one of those days where I absolutely hate my body. I’ve been plateauing right at 300 lb for about 3 weeks now and I am trying very hard not to get frustrated. I hate the way my body looks I hate the way I feel when I look at it I hate being at war with myself. I hate not being able to talk to anybody about this because if I say anything to my friends or my partner they will just tell me I’m being whiny or even worse I’ll get into a fight. I know I have depression and today is one of those days where it’s kind of getting to the extreme. But I’ll just keep my mouth shut and keep working and praying that something will start to shift. Still sucks.

Another update

So I’m really terrible about keeping up with blog posts. I’m really sorry but honestly I’ve been super busy. No that’s a lie I’m just lazy.

Let me update you on how things are going. I am still doing Isagenix and even though it is slow I think it is working. I am now down to about 298 pounds. I say about because I keep fluctuating about 2 lb but I am choosing to think positively. I am in the middle of my first 16 week challenge and it has been hard but honestly I think it’s working. I am still working out 5 days a week at the boxing club and I am finally starting to see a difference in my shape however slight. I still don’t have enough nerve to try on jeans. Know the weather is going to get cold enough here in a minute that I’m going to have to try it because my sweatpants and yoga pants are not going to be able to cut it for much longer.

I feel really good, and yet I am still depressed because I feel like I should be farther along with as hard as I am working. I mean I’ve lost over 30 pounds for Pete’s sake and that’s 10% of my body weight. But I’m still fat. Really fat and I know that I still have another hundred fifty pounds to lose before I get to my goal weight. It just seems really daunting and I know that I shouldn’t expect for it to be immediate. But I’m still battling a lot of depression about my appearance. I’m not writing this for sympathy oh, I just need to get it out of my head and somewhere else because it just makes me want to give up even though I’m doing well. I have a history of self-sabotage and I can recognize the signs. I am thinking about starting up an Instagram just for my weight loss stuff but I’m terrified the people will troll me. So I’m going to wait and let this blog continue to be my outlet. Everyday is a new day right? So my sins of today won’t count towards tomorrow, which means that I’m sorry about the Starbucks I drank today because I was so sleepy and really wanted the caffeine. I will take the dog out for a walk and get the rest of my steps in and maybe that’ll help me feel less guilty. I just hate that I am so weak. I despise the weakness of myself.

A little piece of advice kids don’t get fat. Because being fat is really hard especially when you’re trying not to be fat anymore and people don’t understand and they think that you’re making you feel better when they say you aren’t fat. But I know the truth because I’m the one who has to live in this body. Tomorrow is another day.

Going strong

Things have been super busy for me, my apologies on not keeping up with this blog. I wanted to give an update on how things were going with my weight loss journey. Things are going great! I’m shocked actually. I’m down nearly 20 lbs in almost 4 weeks thanks to my new meal plan. I honestly didn’t think Isegenix would work, but it seems to be. I’m down to 306 and im blown away.

Not to say it hasn’t been difficult at times but it’s been a lot easier than I thought it would be. I’m just so tired of being fat and having a structure like Isagenix does take out a lot of the stress of trying to figure out what I’m going to eat for at least two of my meals of the day. I never realized how much time I spent thinking about food until I didn’t have to. I am currently in a four months body challenge with them so I cannot wait to see what my results are at the end of the four months. After trying so many different meal plans and diets this is the first one that actually has any kind of measurable results for me. And I’m happy to answer any questions you might have about my granted very limited experience with it. But for right now it’s working, and I’m delighted!

Holy shit, it might actually be working

Okay so if you’ve been reading this blog at all oh, you know that I don’t lose weight easily. You also know that I’ve been working out 5 days a week since right before my birthday in April and the scale did move and I had lost about 14 lb in that time. I tried carb cycling oh, I tried Weight Watchers, and I also tried modere which was a meal replacement program and none of them worked. So basically I have resigned myself to becoming extremely fit and not looking at the scale. In my last entry I mentioned I was trying a new meal replacement program called Isagenix because one of the trainers at my boxing gym uses it as well as the owner.

Okay enough recap, it’s been 10 days since I started it and holy shit. I’m down 10 lbs. Y’all this is not a drill this is real. I’m working out just as much as I had been but I’ve been following the Isagenix plan pretty strictly with two shakes a day plus two snacks and then just about anything I want for dinner as long as I held to a couple of rules which is no red meat and no carbs that were like bread but I could have carbs and other things. I also gave up my to add a Starbucks habit which by the way which was getting very expensive. And I haven’t had a soda in 10 days. And I have lost 10 lb and today I’m going to do my measurements because three days in I measured myself and I was down almost an inch almost all over. Today was the first time I actually looked at myself in the mirror and noticed a difference. As you can tell I’m extremely hard on myself and for me to admit that there was an actual difference, it’s a little shocking even to me. Well I just wanted to keep you updated and I will continue to do so. Along with real reviews of the Isagenix products, I’m not selling them so I feel just comfortable enough to tell you that the shakes are okay but not nearly as good as they tell you they are and the caramel cashew isalean bar is way better than the chocolate delight. But even if they taste like cardboard they are working so I’m going to continue through my 30 day supply and I’m thinking I might actually do the four month body challenge. I went ahead and entered it not thinking I would actually complete it but if my results continue along these lines, why the hell not?

So…I did a thing

So even though I’ve been working out everyday and I feel stronger and I feel like I’m smaller, even though according to the tape measure I am not, I decided to add something else to my weight loss routine. One of my trainers at the boxing gym has been using a company called Isagenix for years and I decided to give it a shot. I know I know oh, it’s direct sales oh, it’s auto-ship and therefore it’s automatically a scam, there’s no way this stuff could work. Well I’ve worked in direct sales for over 10 years so I know how to handle not getting scammed and to be honest she meaning my trainer, has lost over 290 lbs with the help of this stuff. I figured nothing else is working and I’m not giving up on working out in fact I’m working out more than I ever have. So I saved up my money and I got my first box in the mail two days ago and yesterday I had my first day of using the shakes.

To be honest yesterday was a little tricky because I was getting used to it and I did have some Hunger issues but I was strong and didn’t eat more than I was supposed to. The snacks they provided actually did knock down my Hunger to reasonable levels and I even worked out really hard yesterday. The shakes don’t taste that great but they are palatable and right now I’m not adding anything to them because I want to get used to the plain shakes before I start adding things that have extra calories.

But I weighed myself yesterday and then I weighed myself today, and I don’t care if it’s a fluke or just water weight or anything but I’m down 3 pounds. And that is enough to keep me going at least to keep using up this first 30 day supply. Who knows if this actually works, but it can’t be worse then what I was doing before, because that was just as hard and I didn’t get any results. Now I’m finishing my shake and I’m off to Boxing class, I had my member of the month class yesterday and it was so much fun! I actually was kind of sad when we finished. I didn’t want it to end. Who knew that I would be the girl that love working out? I really wish I had found out about boxing years and years ago. I think my life would have been completely different.

Man I suck at this

I really suck at keeping up with this blog and I apologize. I guess I get so busy doing other stuff that I forget that this is here to help me stay on track. I’ve still been working out 5 days a week and other than some me trouble that is pretty normal, I’m doing very well. I still haven’t lost a huge amount of weight I’m down to about 320 lb and I guess that’s all I can hope for. I did sign up for a new meal replacement program and I should get the package by Monday so I’ll let you guys know my results if you want.

I can definitely tell a difference in my strength and in my stamina, and especially how I feel on days I don’t work out. Those are the worst days because I feel so sluggish and tired and just completely out of energy compared to the days where I bust my ass and sweat. Those are the best days for some reason.

So I’m going to try to work out today with a blown-out knee because I took yesterday off and felt horrible. I’ll keep you updated hopefully more frequently than lately. Here’s an updated set of pictures of me, the first one is off my first week the middle one is from 16 weeks in and I took the last one yesterday. I am starting to see a difference I think.

The power of exhaustion

So nothing really special is been going on workout wise. I am still exercising 5 days a week with the exception of yesterday. I had to miss class due to a personal emergency and everything turned out okay thank God but it was very scary at the time. I’m still waiting on my body to catch up with the fact that I’ve been working out consistently since April, unfortunately it seems like my body is a slow learner or slow loser. It’s very tiring both mentally and physically to work out this hard and not really see results. I’m just going to go ahead and complain for a second and if you don’t like it then feel free to stop reading now.

Why the heck does it seem so much easier for other people to change their bodies? I used to look at all these people with there before and afters and think that’s amazing that’s so inspiring. And while I still find it inspiring and amazing and everything else, it’s also extremely frustrating because damn it good for them but why isn’t it happening for me? It’s no fun at all when somebody asks me how much weight I’ve lost or how many inches because I have to answer with not that much. I know I shouldn’t care but I do. When is it going to be my turn? I know the answer is just to keep going and I’m doing that so don’t bother telling me that. I just needed a place to vent and that’s why I created this blog. And now to go inside and work out for another couple hours and pray that someday I’ll look in the mirror and actually be happy with what I see.

Sorry for the delay

So I’ve been continuing my working out and I just have been so busy with my own life I haven’t had a chance to really keep up with my blog. My most sincere apologies. So let me catch you up on everything that’s going on with me because honestly that’s why you read this right? Because you’re nosy? Or because I’m an exhibitionist. Doesn’t matter, I’m glad you’re here.

So I have been continue with my boxing and swimming 5 days a week with the exception of three weeks ago I had to be gone for 2 weeks straight for my other life which is entertaining to say the least. But I am back full force and I have been working out steadily for the last week and a half. I am now down about 17 pounds which is crazy to me because I took those two weeks off because I was on the road. But maybe my body just needed a rest for a second before I went back to punishing it LOL.

My boxing gym is so wonderful and they were so great about me coming back. I didn’t feel like they were judging me or upset with me because my stamina wasn’t where it was when I left and that made a huge difference to me. And today now 7 workouts back in, I feel so much better. Is this Runner’s High? I don’t know but I’m hoping that it sticks around.

In other news I discovered how to Rice cauliflower and I’m obsessed, and I’ve also fall in love with quinoa because I could now cook it in a rice cooker and not burn it every time. And I’m sure you want to know that I’ve also become fascinated with chai tea lattes. I know, I know. I’m late to the party. But I don’t care they are delicious and I will love you forever if you buy me one.

I hope I can keep up my blog little more Faithfully now that I’m back in town. And please forgive the odd punctuation because I am dictating this through voice to text because honestly I’m too lazy to type. And I think it is kind of funny I’m including of a picture of myself exactly after my workout today so I am still sweaty . People are telling me they can see a difference in my face but I take a picture of myself everyday at the same time to remind myself that is a progress and a process . So enjoy the sweaty picture LOL

It’s finally starting to move

So I haven’t had a chance to blog in a little while because I’ve been super busy just living my life. I got through a cycle of carb cycling and now I’m back to eating regular food but with a low carb mindset. For me that means just picking the lower carb choice but not trying to be so super strict with myself that I feel deprived. Plus I’ve given up soda completely which has to be good for me right? Anyway I completed my first 8 weeks of working out 5 days a week and I’ve added a new side hustle job that includes an incredible amount of walking period I’m talking like 5 to 7 miles a day. Yes I am grocery shopping for people now. I had been driving for Uber and Lyft but that left me so sedentary that when I saw an advertisement for this grocery shopping service I thought I would give it a shot. I’m in my second week of that now and in addition to all of my working out the scale is starting to move in a major way.

I am down to 324 lb. I repeat this is not a drill. The scale is significantly down in my opinion and I don’t want to hear it if you say it’s just water weight I don’t care because it’s been about 5 years since the scale moved in any significant direction and that includes when I was in Weight Watchers. I’m down actually 10 lb now from when I started this. I’m actually on my way to Boxing class and I still swim every day and then I go grocery shop for several hours and I think that is the final key to making everything work. The Tipping Point as it were. I can’t wait to see what my developments are in another 4 weeks. But for right now I’m celebrating my success.

I have noticed that my t-shirts are a lot baggier. I’ve been wearing two x’s and three xs for so long that I don’t even know what they are supposed to look like. And I’m still too scared to try on any of my jeans so I’m sticking to the yoga pants for now until maybe I hit another scale milestone. I hate being afraid of my own closet but it is what it is.

For now I’ll Just Keep On Truckin, I keep seeing what my body will continue to develop into. The biggest thing I noticed is the level of my strength has really increased to where I can hold a front plank for over a minute and my side planks I can now hold for 15 to 20 seconds which seemed absolutely impossible before. And now it’s off to class!